I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
