I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Vodka?
Forever.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
