You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
