i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
