my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
