you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
