ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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