i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
My bed smells like the plague
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
