Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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