The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
