My friends, they love my intelligence
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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