LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
Randomize
