All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
