i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
