I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I yelled at your uterus for you.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
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