I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
