Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
