My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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