Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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