He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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