She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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