Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
Randomize
