Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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