he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
