Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
