I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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