I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
