Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
