I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
