i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Is it penis luge time yet?
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Randomize
