I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
I'm sobbing to NWA
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
