dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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