I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
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