The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
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