Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Randomize
