Only a mothe r could love this liver
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Randomize
