Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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