Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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