You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
