I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
