Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
40s are totally the cure
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
