I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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