She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
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