so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
