I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
