I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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