ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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