i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
