Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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