So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
