let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
