Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
