I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
3 2 1 whiskey
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
