I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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