There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
