i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
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