508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
