Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
